Off topic: I Am a Really Bad Translator Thread poster: Mykhailo Voloshko
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I know you are reading it. Yes, you. And I know you wonder who the heck calls himself a bad translator and why. Just imagine: maybe you are a bad translator, too! I've written this for you to raise your brow in wonder, think, and smile. Check if you are also a really bad translator like me.
1. Sometimes, I deliver the job before the deadline. That's bad.
2. I cannot do 10,000 words a day. What a shame!
3. I refuse to work 22 hours a day. That's awful!
... See more I know you are reading it. Yes, you. And I know you wonder who the heck calls himself a bad translator and why. Just imagine: maybe you are a bad translator, too! I've written this for you to raise your brow in wonder, think, and smile. Check if you are also a really bad translator like me.
1. Sometimes, I deliver the job before the deadline. That's bad.
2. I cannot do 10,000 words a day. What a shame!
3. I refuse to work 22 hours a day. That's awful!
4. I don't work for peanuts. Queer fish.
5. I demand on-time payment. The cheek!
6. I don't offer volume discounts, as more words does not mean less work. Penny-pincher!
7. I use three CAT-tools but don't have the 4th, the 5th and other CATs and TEnTs. Hidebound!
8. I ask the client as many questions as necessary and do not assume what the writer really meant. Clingy.
9. In my translation, I don't move unintentional mistakes from the source to the target, I weed them out. Inadmissible!
10. I do not hesitate to reword my sentence as many times as needed to make it sound natural. Slowpoke.
11. I proofread my work, so my translations are usually flawless and there's no work left for the hired proofreader / reviewer. That's terrible!
12. The readers of my translation never have the off-flavour of traslated text and often don't even realise it's been translated. Who cares!
Only some of the above points are always true about me. Because I am a human translator. And that's great!
P.S. It was intended as a ProZ article, but I guess a 200-word article is not eligible to be posted there, so enjoy it here!
[Edited at 2010-05-28 20:34 GMT] ▲ Collapse
| | | | Femke Hubers-Meulepas (X)
Local time: 20:16
French to Dutch
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| Cheers to that! | May 28, 2010 |
Guess I'm a worse translator than I hoped to be...
| | | | inkweaver 
Germany
Local time: 20:16
French to German
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| You can't be serious, Mykhailo... | May 28, 2010 |
You really demand on-time payment? I thought that was a terrible inherent character trait of us Germans. At least that's what an outsourcer tried to make me believe when I complained about late payment of a few hundred euros.
And did you find that no matter how nicely polished your translation may be, some proofreaders find that hard to admit and make changes just for the sake of it in order to justify their fee. There are exceptions, though.
| | | | 3ADE shadab
Local time: 23:46
Member (2008)
Hindi to English
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| Really Good ! | May 28, 2010 |
someway or another you have point out very valid and reasonable question.
Thats good.
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Miranda Drew
Italy
Local time: 20:16
Member (2009)
Italian to English
| thanks for that | May 28, 2010 |
Thanks for making me smile this morning!
| | | | Oksana Kondakova
United States
Local time: 14:16
Member (2010)
English to Russian
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| reading my mind | May 28, 2010 |
Just on time!
Right now I'm trying to be a "good translator" and not to argue with my agency on late payment.
| | | | ATIL KAYHAN
Türkiye
Local time: 21:16
Member (2007)
Turkish to English
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| Definition of an Ideal Translator? | May 28, 2010 |
Simply by rephrasing the items, you can come up with the definition of an ideal translator (notice I did not say a good translator). The list would look like:
1. Sometimes delivers the job before the deadline.
2. Can do 10,000 words a day.
3. Works 22 hours a day.
4. Works for peanuts.
And so on. Then, you can use the list to rate the translators for something like a performance appraisal. OK, I was just kidding. The list would... See more Simply by rephrasing the items, you can come up with the definition of an ideal translator (notice I did not say a good translator). The list would look like:
1. Sometimes delivers the job before the deadline.
2. Can do 10,000 words a day.
3. Works 22 hours a day.
4. Works for peanuts.
And so on. Then, you can use the list to rate the translators for something like a performance appraisal. OK, I was just kidding. The list would at least be a positive one. ▲ Collapse
| | | | | Here´s to bad translators, then! | May 28, 2010 |
The best translators I know are the modest ones who are always trying to improve, so now we can work out where to start!
Enjoy those 4 hours off while not working over the weekend. 
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| more straightforward recommendations for bad translators | May 28, 2010 |
Great list, Mykhailo:)
I once posted a list of "straightforward" recommendations entitled "If you want to be a real bad translator..." Here we go:
If you want to be a real bad translator…
Just follow these rules:
1. Ignore the context, or better - invent it.
2. Don’t consult your dictionaries (if any) unless absolutely necessary.
3. If you don’t know how to translate, don’t do your research, don’t ask your fellow translato... See more Great list, Mykhailo:)
I once posted a list of "straightforward" recommendations entitled "If you want to be a real bad translator..." Here we go:
If you want to be a real bad translator…
Just follow these rules:
1. Ignore the context, or better - invent it.
2. Don’t consult your dictionaries (if any) unless absolutely necessary.
3. If you don’t know how to translate, don’t do your research, don’t ask your fellow translators and don’t ever bother your client.
4. Be an I-eat-cats-dogs-frogs translator - accept any job coming your way even if it falls far beyond your specialisms.
5. Specialisms - who said you need to specialize?
6. Throw away quality and make use of machine translation tools whenever possible.
7. Avoid spellcheckers - with so many varieties of English or other languages you translate into, they are useless. Anyway, spellcheckers are just a form of self-imposed censorship.
8. Think of deadlines as a distraction.
9. Promote yourself at the expense of others. A good fellow translator is a …
10. And remember - You’re as good as you can get.
http://a2z-translation.net/2010/02/07/if-you-want-to-be-a-real-bad-translator/ ▲ Collapse
| | | | DZiW (X)
Ukraine
English to Russian
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Hi Mykhailo,
Pretty cool and vivid)
But you did forget to mention the last point:
And I still work as a translator... What a silly!
Have fun.
Cheers)
| | | | Rebekka Groß (X)
Local time: 19:16
English to German
| Here's to... | May 28, 2010 |
... all the baddest translators! I'm proud to be one of them
| | | | texjax DDS PhD
Local time: 14:16
Member (2006)
English to Italian
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| I'm bad too :) | May 28, 2010 |
Mykhailo Voloshko wrote:
2. I cannot do 10,000 words a day. What a shame!
Thank you so much! I thought I was the only one...
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Mykhailo Voloshko
Ukraine
Local time: 21:16
Member (2008)
English to Russian
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TOPIC STARTER
Thanks to all bad and good translators for feedback and contributions!
I added a new point - it's point 7 on the list now
Have a nice weekend!
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